ie, the one in which I reveal my schizophrenic-like back-n-forthing full of but on the other hand...
Paul is 5. He turned five on January 25th, and he's busy! And fast, loud, strong, clever, and thoughtful with (arguably) healthy doses of selfishness, bossiness, and rudeness. Dylan and I (and a slew of other people!) love him dearly and want what's right and best for him.
In turning 5, Paul has hit "school-age". What path Dylan and I will choose for him in terms of schooling hadn't been much on my mind but has felt daunting when it's at the forefront of my mind, like in the past, say, 4ish months. There doesn't seem to be this perfect or even expected follow this path option for us, and it seems that for the first time in my parenting journey, some one decision I make will have major ramifications on my son and our family.
In general, there are three options for school, which will start in August: homeschool, public school, or private (Catholic) school. The problem arises when I start comparing the pros and cons of any particular situation because it feels like an apples-vs-oranges thing; I'm not comparing this school's curriculum with that one's, rather this school's proximity to home vs that one's values. Those are conflicting issues, and, in the end, Dylan and I have to prioritize what's important; but it's that prioritizing that seems nearly impossible.
During the month of February, we toured 3 area schools: St. Rosalie School in Harvey, the International School of Louisiana - Spanish Immersion around the corner, and St. Andrew's School in Algiers. The first quickly knocked itself out of our running for a number of reasons but mainly because there's nothing it can do for Paul that St. Andrew's couldn't, which is significantly closer and a bit more "us" feeling. So our options have become: homeschool, ISL, or St. Andrew's
Let the back-n-forthing begin:
In defense of homeschooling, I
want the challenge of doing it successfully. I think it could be really fun, and I think it's by far the best option for our family life in terms of both daily and annual schedules, plus keeping the family together for the highest majority of time. We'd be free to do so much and so many other non-school related things together. I read two Catholic, homeschooling moms' blogs who've sold me on its functionality, practicality, and ability to produce well-rounded kids who are considerate of and respect their siblings and family life. Dylan and I also kept meeting and liking grown-up friends in MN who had been homeschooled as children, and godmother to our sons, Colleen, is one of them! She and I have been ticking along side of each other this year in the
homeschool pre-school, and I would just love for our families to go in on this together.
But on the other hand... I think about how
I want the challenge of doing it successfully, and
I want our family schedule to look and feel this certain way, but is it what's best for Paul? I reflect on how he (positively) handles my teaching him a new skill but immediately reflect on my attitude or negative tone of voice while I was doing it. Think "I plan all these fun things to do together, but you go and..."-type stuff. I think about how control-y I am and wonder if I would give him the freedom to do work his way. Or about how minimalist I am (as regards
stuff in the house or "school supplies") and wonder if he wouldn't be better served in a classroom full of manipulatives and art supplies. I also think about our living space at home and wonder if he wouldn't be better served in a classroom dedicated to having "centers" or nooks where writing happens
here, reading
here, circle time
here, etc. Then, I think about having Ada-led time while Paul's away from 8-3 as a positive, usually, but even that gets me flip-flopping.
When I imagine the space I described just above with the "centers" or sending him to school at all, I picture the two kindergarten classrooms we toured at St. Andrew's, honestly. They were everything I wish I could have for him at home ... in a perfect world. The morning greeting on the giant notepad, the dry erase board, the small tables & chairs with his name on them and a specific place for all of his supplies and papers, a hook for his backpack, the ____ nook, the giant rosary made of paper dots on the wall - swoon. I love the idea of his sitting at a table for 4+ kids (instead of individual desks, ick) with a smiley teacher who's seen thousands of 5 year olds grow, knows just where to set that expectation bar and wants to spend her day with my boy, teaching him how to read, about our faith, and respect. But on the other hand ... that should be my job, right? And I don't want him shimmied about through the day from this enrichment or that (library, art, etc) and to his 30-min lunch in a huge room and see him only get a half-hour of outside playtime a day. But, then, I'm so hard on him, so hard =/, and maybe his teacher would appreciate his littleness better. Besides, Dylan and I would really love having Catholic peers, perhaps even friends!
Then there's the Spanish immersion school not even a full 2 blocks away. So close. There's something there for me in being able to walk to school - probably even alone soon - and stay right here in the neighborhood. So, so many things here are reminiscent of my German immersion school in MN, and while I do support immersion charter schools being a thing, the only way to show my support is to send my kid there. The kindergarten classrooms also had centers and lots of the things St. Andrew's has but somehow in a slightly less organized fashion. I don't want to send my son to the "most organized" school, though; that was just my personal, perhaps slightly obsessive preference that noticed this. To say something racist, sort of, I bet a group of Latinas would be exceptionally loving and warm to the children, and I'd love for Paul to learn another language -- that's kind of our thing. AND they don't do homework here. Which I whole-heartedly support.
I think I'm also emotionally invested in this decision in a completely subjective and biased way: if we send him, I'll miss him. I'll literally miss him, his growing, his life. Sure, I'd catch the snippets and highlights, but I wouldn't see how he interacts with friends or the ebb and flow of the day - what he liked and what maybe made him sad, how he got over that sadness. So is this something every mother of a kindergarten-aged child feels upon sending her child away from her? Is this just part of the "growing his wings" thing? Is this feeling of wanting to hang onto him a sheltering-type feeling? Or is there some deep-seated reason I'd so strongly like to keep him close? Would the school options be a negative for us in terms of expenses if St. Andrew's or staying in a bubble if the neighborhood school? Where do I find the answer!
We pray about it. That's the answer. Or, ideally, there would be a neighborhood, Catholic, half-day school. Yeah. Start that one, and I'll be first in line.
+ these two yahoos for good measure:
